I’m currently sitting in the Denver airport, waiting for my flight back home to Des Moines. I’ve snuggled up in a corner, with a view of the snow-capped rocky mountains and a blue sky out the window. This past week in my favorite landlocked-mountainous state seems to have been more than about skiing and friends. Somehow, my life processing takes a deeper and richer form when I travel, especially near the mountains. My soul unburdens from the normal trains of thought and the constant distraction of hustling for work and selfish gain and Netflix. Instead, here, I cry in familiar coffee shops and in my friend’s empty house while she works. As much as traveling alone pushes my buttons, it also frees me up to be alone and therefore, alone with God. To see Jesus as my most present Friend. To walk into the questions that I put off asking when things are comfortable and familiar.

I’m not ready to share publicly yet all the things that God is stirring up in me. But, as an external processor, I want to take account of some things He has brought to my mind recently. To set up an Ebenezer, one made more of words and photos than of rocks. So that, in a month or a year or 10 years, I can return to this mental place and remember, rejoice, and remain resolute to walk forward in surrendering faith, even more.

Reading Anything by Jennie Allen hit me so good + hard in all the right places. We need constant reminders to run and endure, and this book was that for me. It helped me process what I’m feeling, like “am I really living surrendered, or just safe?” and “what are my skills, and personality that I’ve been given, and how can I really maximize that and not just ignore parts taht really make me come alive?”

Obviously, I’m still processing. Asking questions. Looking at my motivations and my sins and my habits.

I am:
-a family + community builder
-passionate and fiery, yet also sometimes cautious and scared
-lover of people and always finding friends
-desiring to go deeper with all my ppl
-optimistic to a fault
-running away from addiction and into freedom & light
-one who loves food and music
-adventurous but sometimes realizing that means I run away from where I should stay and dig deep
-a girl with a heart for the Nations to know Jesus + be united in His Love
-someone who isn’t ok with complacency
-someone who does desire consistency and authenticity
-a tender heart who cries over widows and orphans, and friends who run away from Jesus
-a “meg” aka someone who wants the pretty, nice things in life but also would rather have a rich relationship with Jesus and humans (for I know my selfishness too much)
-sooooo detail oriented but loves to catch good vision
-artistic, flexible, dreamer
-a lover of babies and children and wannabe mother to all
-one who sees so much potential for people… a “developer” and one who, likewise, wants to grow

so much more to write, to process, to pray over, and to dream. but, for now, this is what I have written and what I choose to remember.