I’ve seen it all- intimate elopements with 4 people in attendance, and weddings with close to 400 guests! I’ve seen flower arrangements so beautiful I wanted to cry (that probably cost 8K!) and simple, yet stunning, wildflower arrangements created by the bride. Dresses with designer tags, and dresses bought secondhand.
What I’m trying to say is that, there is no one “right” way to plan a wedding. Partially due to the fact that the marriage, not the dress or cake or bubbles after, is the main event. It is what persists, endures, thrives and grows throughout the years. So, I hope that encourages you! I’d much rather leave my wedding and 10 years later, have people talk about what joy and beauty my marriage brings to the world & community, and that the foundation of my marriage still stands firm. Not that you can’t have a beautiful wedding AND marriage (I do believe you can!!) but rather, I think that if you focus on your relationship with your partner, and your combined values, the wedding you plan out of that will naturally be lovely. :)
I have thoughts that I’ll leave at the end, but as someone who hasn’t planned her own wedding, I thought I’d ask others what they would say!
“Evaluate where you are in your life and what your maximum budget is. Commit to not going over that number, even if it means yo have to scale down some of the elements, or invite fewer guests. If you’re in your 20s and fresh out of college, you probably aren’t gonna be able to spend as much money as someone getting married in their late 20s or 30s (unless your parents are contributing, which you should clarify with them up front). There’s no reason to feel bad about having a wedding on a budget, it’s the love you are celebrating with your spouse that matters.”
“Talk together as a couple about what your priorities are. Understand that ‘you get what you pay for’ so you’ll need to decide what is most important to you and where to allocate funds. there are lots of ways to save money, but DON’T skimp on whatever is most important to you! Photography was important to us so we budged for it- pictures last a lifetime!”
ON TRADITIONS + BUDGETING
-”Don’t do ceremony/reception traditions just because. You. Do You!!”
-”Start with a goal budget, but be ok spending 5-10% more.”
-”Make the amount you spend proportional to what’s important to you! Ie: spending on a good photographer was important to us.”
-”Invite only the people you want to invite. It’s ok to not invite extended family and other people, too.”
-”The little things are easy to let get away from you in budgeting! like gift for vendors/wedding party/other details. Consider things like dress alterations- decide if it’s included in dress budget or are you willing to pay more than budgeted for it?”
-”PRIORITIZE WHAT MATTERS MOST!!”
“No one is going to remember the details of your wedding. They’ll have an opinion for like 3 days, and then won’t remember anything. Spend money on the things you and your love actually care about! For us, that was food & venue. Everything in our wedding was very budget friendly & as far as I know, everyone had a great time & everything in photos looks great.
TLDR: don’t plan your wedding for anyone but you & your love.”
(Author’s note: I’ll add this: there are so many spreadsheets out there with outdated or info/percentages. Decide what makes sense for you as a couple, and do that. That may mean spending 40% on venue & food, 25% on photo/video, and 35% on everything else, or some other configuration. Ask vendors what they cost before you fully decide on how to allocate your budget if you need that or ask friends who have recently gotten married for their breakdown sheet. It’s going to be unique for every event!!)
ON CLOTHES, FLORALS AND DECOR
- “Decorations are fun, but can be a huge budget suck. Brainstorm things that can be free & get really familiar with FB Marketplace or a local buy nothing group, or used wedding decoration groups on FB!”
-”Pick your own flowers for bouquets! It’s cheaper & so fun to do with your bridesmaids.”
-”When planning my wedding, the two things I wanted to spend money on were flowers + a photographer. To quote my grandma, ‘flowers make it beautiful and a photographer makes it lasting.’ I’m so glad we decided to hire Amelia to take our wedding (and flower) photos.”
-”Hire a florist to do your bouquets and boutonnieres, and let the rest of your greenery be fake. Nobody will notice or care, and the photos will still look great!”
-”Rent your wedding dress from places like @rawgoldenrentals or Rent the Runway!”
PHOTOGRAPHY + VIDEO
-”Pictures are forever, so pick a photographer you like, and not just your weird uncle. ;) ”
-”Invest in a quality photographer and/or videographer. I wish we had video!”
-”Spend the most on photos, it’s how you’ll remember the day for years to come.”
-’Spend well on photography/videography! This is what will be looked at and remembered forever!”
-"I wish we had spent more on photography, because looking back there are only a couple photos I like, since our photographer was just starting out.”
ON RECEPTIONS
-”I’ve been to enough weddings now that I know a good DJ matters. If you have a friend who has the personality or experience to do it, great! But I’ve seen enough weddings where that was not the case and it makes the dance/reception awkward. You want someone at the reception who knows how to run things.”
-”Pick a couple big spends (photos, food, etc) and see where you can save in other areas.”
-”Good food & music/activities were more memorable than the decor for guests.”
-”When we look back, it’s the golf tee we hid in the boutonniere, and the envelopes we put at every table to leave messages for that annivasary that we think about! And the first dance! It’s honestly not the food or the venue. And we are SO thankful we aren’t still paying for the wedding.”
“We emphasized the marriage instead of just the wedding day. For us that means budgeting what we could afford, spending money on what matters most, and thinking about the future. We put a value on photos (memories to put in our house and remind us of our day) and spent energy on details we could cherish later.
Also, working together to work out a budget & involving each other’s thoughts + preferences. I wanted our wedding day to be personal and beautiful, but not at the expenses of getting in the way of the relationship being the most important part of the day, and also the relationships around us in the room, celebrating with us!”
